i portrayed you once; among a meager concourse. most of my thoughts about you were misconstrued and so stereotypical. i used to think we were utterly different - our beliefs, our backgrounds, and our whole lives. i never thought i'd ever realize that we are not that different at all. sometimes, i thought i depicted someone else entirely. i wish i had met you before i portrayed you. i could have felt your confinement. i could have shed your secret tears. i could have lived to be you - to feel what it feels like to be you; to be different; to be veiled. i've always had and still have an unquenchable passion for your people; for you. i thank God for allowing me to have a glimpse of your everyday life. i can now feel your anguish over your losses - your akhmeds and saliims. i have greater respect for you now; greater than ever.

beyond the time, the weather, the places, the facade, the people, and the veil, i now realize what you really mean to me - yes you.

7:18 PM
Categories: Author: marxlin

archdeacons. archbishops. battles. wars. feuds. betrothals. kings. queens. dukes. eirs. earls. castles. keeps. entrenchments. dungeons. loyalties. betrayals.

the last two novels i read - house of echoes and lady of hay (both by barbara erskine by the way - the latter a whopping 755-page novel) were of medieval ages and of an era where your life literally depended on the king's temper; an age where women were only considered to be vessels of a man's heir. i was really struck by the huge contrast of our life today and life back then. how could they have possibly lived their lives back then when it took days to send a message from one abode to another? after reading the novels, i became more grateful for our society today, no matter how hideous and unfair it may seem to us. we have freedom of speech. freedom of the press. freedom to choose our own religion. i still am overwhelmed by the convenience of our present society and the freedom we have in this era.

if you find yourself complaining about how unlawful our present epoch is, then i suggest you read some medieval history and really look into the lives they lived in the past.

2:44 PM
Categories: bait, grudges, life, love, mind, tension. Author: marxlin

the ruins.
dished circumstances.
opened minds.
reality bites.
i have gambled in the rain.
naked.
purged.
skinned.
scars leaving trail.
and a story to tell.
hopeful and praying.
all else will eventually fade.
that the cold winter breeze shrugs off.
paving for the sun to shine again.
knit a kite.
throw up.
see it high.
even in the rain.

somewhere in the dark forest, a sound.
a shadow.
lurking.
evil.
no form. no body.
simply, another temptation.
another weakness.
another detour.
more webs. spiders. lies. and pain.
i will soon return.
but not today.
not now.
someday.

note: don't ask. just feel. reflect. associate. experience. believe.

1:51 PM
Categories: ambivalent, answers, broken, consciousness, insanity. Author: marxlin

So, it's been awhile. A funny while. Not because life's been something to laugh about so far. Oh no. Definitely no. It's just that then without warning, life changed tracks, more like a got derailed off the one it was on, for no apparent reason! And I took a tumble for the worst. And I'm still falling. Falling long, and despite the lack of a bottom surface so far, I'm falling hard. Been falling for over a month now. Barely enjoyed the supposed 'lovely life'. Nah.

1:25 PM
Categories: Author: marxlin